bekindtostrangers: (Default)
And I thought it was absolutely atrocious. I had stuff pouring out of every nook and cranny, the walls were cinderblock, so I could only hang things with poster tack (and the one I so intelligently chose was blue, which left a lovely polka-dotted effect,) the floors were vinyl linoleum and I didn't have an oven or a closet to my name.

My first few months were horrible. It was constantly a mess because I couldn't ever get anything back where I got it from. Sort of like a brand new fitted sheet. Looks all nice and shiny when you first buy it. Still looks super pretty when you take it out of the package. But once you unfold it, you will NEVER get it folded the way it was before. Ever. EVER.

It was a lot like that.

That taught me a lot about downsizing. I thought I got rid of a lot of stuff but it always seemed like more and more appeared when it came time to move again.

I've had smaller apartments (~380 sq ft) and much, much larger (~900,) both with roommates and without and I've learned I've sort of become an accidental minimalist along the way.

I've learned that I actually don't attach a lot of sentimental values to things - rather, I am wary of others' sentimental value. Can't get rid of this because [family member that I haven't seen in years] will get mad. Can't get rid of that because what if [friend] asks about it?

Once I started learning about myself, it became a lot easier to not be saddled down by things.

I'm thinking about all this, because I just moved, again. I'm hoping this time I can actually stay for a year. The move was rather quick and uneventful, as I don't own a lot of things anymore. But it still took more car trips than I'd like. So, as with all moves, I'm looking at what I can discard or donate. I plan on getting rid of my dresser. I barely use it, I didn't pay much for it, and well over 90% of my clothes are hung or folded on shelves in the closet.

Moving on.

It's been awhile since I've posted. Mostly it's been a mix of doing three jobs at work, dealing with same old, same old home stress and just being tired all the freaking time. Nothing worth writing about.

It's better now.
bekindtostrangers: (Misc: Weight of the World)
You know, I've started this post half a dozen times. I just don't know what to say. I want to bitch and moan about my dad and how he keeps spending money I keep telling him we don't have and keeps putting his account into the red so I have to piece meal the shit out of my savings and have now spent around $300 on overdraft charges and there I got it off my chest.

Let's talk about happier things, shall we?

I work in Cubicleland. Gray cubicles (and floors and walls and ceiling) as far as the eye can see. We're rearranging/rebuilding some (most) of the cubes (except mine) on the floor to get ready for the sale that managers won't admit is going to happen probably this fall ( I mean, who paints a stairwell just because? Really?) and it's quite noisy and busy on the floor right now. I love how some of them are being rearranged - it's been needed for a long time - but, for example, I almost walked into one of the new cubes today. So, I'm awesome.

Change seems to be a recurring theme in my life right now. So, I think my bank account needs to change into having some money. See what I did there?

I splurged on a stack of trashy magazines today. God, I love magaznies. Bought Cosmo, Elle, InStyle and People. I always get Cosmo and a People, but I haven't read Elle or InStyle in eons, so I thought "hey why not." My best friend is abandoning me tomorrow and my boyfriend is abandoning me tomorrow, sooo I need something to do and this something shall be wear a beauty mask, eat unhealthy food and read trashy magazines. God, I'm so LA.

ETA: To show you the depths of my maturity, let me show you my eats today: breakfast broccoli (eesh I hate spelling that word) and carrots with spinach dip; dinner peanut butter cookie and iced tea; supper green pepper slices with a balsamic viniagrette, a third of a box of mac and cheese spirals and a handful of tortilla chips. RAWK. The theme today?: Lazy.
bekindtostrangers: (VH: My Future's So Bright)
Part of the reason for my disappearance from all things digital (email, LJ, Yahoo...I've managed to stay on Twitter only because I have the attention span of a gnat anymore. Which brings me to the question: do gnats have attention spans? Do you see why  I don't get anything done?) is that I've had a severe lack of motivation.

Severe enough that I'd call it depression,  I suppose.

I'm not going to bore you with all of the well, boring, details, but I'll sum it up a bit.

Most of you know my dad had a massive stroke on 12/30/09. He was released from the hospital 1/21/10, it was determined he's not quite able to live on his own, so I moved back home. He had another "mini-stroke" (TIA) a couple weeks later. He's recovering well. Still has no use of his left arm, but it's coming back, slowly but surely. He was fired from his job of six years under suspicious circumstances, which I'm not able to talk about as we're pursuing suit. He's gone on a few job interviews, and a couple of them look promising, so cross your fingers. Other personal stuff I'm not quite ready/able to talk about. Blah blah blah.

But in the past couple of weeks, I've noticed a bit of a return. Able to get stuff done when I need to, not just look at a pile and say "eh." Work is stressful (for reasons unrelated to my dad) and home life is stressful and I have more gray hairs than one my age should rightfully have, but I'm starting to look up again.

I hesitate to get my hopes up, because I'm going to be quite honest with you. If my dad doesn't get a job in the next two weeks, we're going to lose the house and most everything we own. So, there's that.

He feels good about an interview he went on this past week, two in fact, so I'm going to feel good, too.

If this experience has taught me anything, it's that I'm perfectly satisfied with my desire to never have children. As bad as that sounds.

But, keep in mind, I'm still here. And I'll try to be around more.

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bekindtostrangers

December 2011

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