bekindtostrangers

And I thought it was absolutely atrocious. I had stuff pouring out of every nook and cranny, the walls were cinderblock, so I could only hang things with poster tack (and the one I so intelligently chose was blue, which left a lovely polka-dotted effect,) the floors were vinyl linoleum and I didn't have an oven or a closet to my name.

My first few months were horrible. It was constantly a mess because I couldn't ever get anything back where I got it from. Sort of like a brand new fitted sheet. Looks all nice and shiny when you first buy it. Still looks super pretty when you take it out of the package. But once you unfold it, you will NEVER get it folded the way it was before. Ever. EVER.

It was a lot like that.

That taught me a lot about downsizing. I thought I got rid of a lot of stuff but it always seemed like more and more appeared when it came time to move again.

I've had smaller apartments (~380 sq ft) and much, much larger (~900,) both with roommates and without and I've learned I've sort of become an accidental minimalist along the way.

I've learned that I actually don't attach a lot of sentimental values to things - rather, I am wary of others' sentimental value. Can't get rid of this because [family member that I haven't seen in years] will get mad. Can't get rid of that because what if [friend] asks about it?

Once I started learning about myself, it became a lot easier to not be saddled down by things.

I'm thinking about all this, because I just moved, again. I'm hoping this time I can actually stay for a year. The move was rather quick and uneventful, as I don't own a lot of things anymore. But it still took more car trips than I'd like. So, as with all moves, I'm looking at what I can discard or donate. I plan on getting rid of my dresser. I barely use it, I didn't pay much for it, and well over 90% of my clothes are hung or folded on shelves in the closet.

Moving on.

It's been awhile since I've posted. Mostly it's been a mix of doing three jobs at work, dealing with same old, same old home stress and just being tired all the freaking time. Nothing worth writing about.

It's better now.

Part of the reason for my disappearance from all things digital (email, LJ, Yahoo...I've managed to stay on Twitter only because I have the attention span of a gnat anymore. Which brings me to the question: do gnats have attention spans? Do you see why  I don't get anything done?) is that I've had a severe lack of motivation.

Severe enough that I'd call it depression,  I suppose.

I'm not going to bore you with all of the well, boring, details, but I'll sum it up a bit.

Most of you know my dad had a massive stroke on 12/30/09. He was released from the hospital 1/21/10, it was determined he's not quite able to live on his own, so I moved back home. He had another "mini-stroke" (TIA) a couple weeks later. He's recovering well. Still has no use of his left arm, but it's coming back, slowly but surely. He was fired from his job of six years under suspicious circumstances, which I'm not able to talk about as we're pursuing suit. He's gone on a few job interviews, and a couple of them look promising, so cross your fingers. Other personal stuff I'm not quite ready/able to talk about. Blah blah blah.

But in the past couple of weeks, I've noticed a bit of a return. Able to get stuff done when I need to, not just look at a pile and say "eh." Work is stressful (for reasons unrelated to my dad) and home life is stressful and I have more gray hairs than one my age should rightfully have, but I'm starting to look up again.

I hesitate to get my hopes up, because I'm going to be quite honest with you. If my dad doesn't get a job in the next two weeks, we're going to lose the house and most everything we own. So, there's that.

He feels good about an interview he went on this past week, two in fact, so I'm going to feel good, too.

If this experience has taught me anything, it's that I'm perfectly satisfied with my desire to never have children. As bad as that sounds.

But, keep in mind, I'm still here. And I'll try to be around more.