bekindtostrangers: (Default)

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labour conditions at the North Pole
were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their rooftops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorised use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd never had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls, or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
May you and your loved ones, enjoy peace on Earth.

bekindtostrangers: (Default)

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and
Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees

6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open

8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm
Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy..... oooh look at
the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is San Francisco so far away?

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells.

bekindtostrangers: (Default)
Who the hell named it Hump Day, anyway? Wait, being a nerd, now I have to look it up.

According to Wikipedia (the end all, be all of all knowledge):

An English language idiom for Wednesday is “hump day”, a reference to making it through to the middle of the work week as getting “over the hump”. It is also informally referred to as “the peak of the week”. Another popular tradition in the United States is to wear a sweater vest on this mid-week business day. This has led Wednesday to be referred to as Vestday.

Obviously, I need to invest in some sweater vests. I have clearly been unfashionable up to this point.

Is it me or does it seem like this has been the longest. week. ever? I don’t know why. This week is no different than last week.

Today also marks the arrival of the Holiday Food Season ®. Today, my team at work had a food day for two of my co-worker’s birthdays (one was December 1st, one is December 22nd). I arranged the food day and I would rather have had it closer to the middle of the month BUT, next Wednesday is the company holiday party –whoo de whoo, and the 19th is the “feast day” for my entire floor.

God, don’t these people ever stop eating?

But hey, free lunch, so I won’t complain.

bekindtostrangers: (Default)

Christmas isn’t about Jesus. Oh no. (Ignoring the fact that Jesus was born in MARCH).

Christmas isn’t even about Santa anymore. Or about presents or good cheer or any of that happy horse puckey.

Didn’t you know?

Christmas is about the CANDY.

My god, the candy.

There’s chocolates and candy canes, starlight peppermints, toffees, taffys, pralines, peppermint bark, almond roca and I could go on and on.

At work, at Halloween, I provided my team (and really, the entire department) with a bucket of candy. I figured, being  Christmas, I would provide the same. So there’s a Christmas-type bowl sitting on the table at work and I can’t help but pick from it. Let’s not forget the candy canes I bought to put in the hot chocolate I’ve suddenly become obsessed with drinking. (I’m convinced it’s the super-awesome mug I bought from Starbucks).

This is bad because I’m not a big candy person. I don’t really have a sweet tooth at all and I’m definitely not a picker. So I’ve been picking at this candy and then I get home and don’t want to eat.

And pizza is so much healthier for me.

By the time Christmas is over, I’m going to weigh a gajillion pounds.

And let’s not forget the diabetic coma.

bekindtostrangers: (Default)

We put up the Christmas tree today. I wanted to go out and take pictures of the Christmas lights but that'll have to wait because we're in the middle of Apocalypse 2: Winter Edition right now. It's been sleeting since about 8:30 this morning, but it's not horrifyingly cold like it was this morning so now there's just four inches of...slush. Like, seriously, slush. Like a slushie drink from DQ? That's totally all over the streets and sidewalks. Only, not grape flavored. Bastards.


bekindtostrangers: (Default)

December 2011

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