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Me: My shoes have rhinoceroses! Rhinocero…each shoe has a rhinoceros!

Her: *crinkly face* What?

Me: Rhinoceroses! *shows*

Her: Oh geez. You like rhinoceroses?

Me: I LOVE rhinoceroses! I love hippos, too. Hee, they have a stuffed one at Kohl’s, I’m gonna get him.



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 “Life is so much easier when you give up.”

Said to a friend who was struggling with a project at work, around 4:20. I usually end up just making myself look busy between 4:00 - 4:30 because god knows I ran out of motivation around...2. Yeah, I suck. Do I care? Answer that for yourself.
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to a friend of mine from work yesterday. (Work? What's that?):

"Did I tell you that Moe ate my Balenciaga? And um. Why did Outlook just capitalize Balenciaga? AGAIN. OMG. MICROSOFT OUTLOOK 2007 IS FASHION-FORWARD!"
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Between myself and SHERRY THE TABLE SHAKER. The girl who sits on the other side of Sherry switched shifts today, so I had to entertain her. Enjoy:

Me: We have to wait another hour and 15 minutes before we get our massages.
Her: Really?
Me: Yes.
Her: What are we going to do?
Me: Cry.


Her: Do you have a sticky I can use? Or are they…no?
Her: I need the stapler, too.
Me: Sure. -gives- They are community stickies for us, I think. -puts stapler next to her on the table-
Her: How about a pen?
Me: -gives- Do you want any other supplies? Here, have a highlighter. I’ve got some file folders. Rubber bands! DO I LOOK LIKE OFFICE DEPOT?


Her, talking to herself as she works on something: What kind of business is this?
Me: Your mom.
Her: Hmm?
Me: That was probably rude.


Also, she has a habit of randomly either asking me the date or asking me “what do you think?” and I’ve developed the habit of a) giving her a different date every time she asks and b) giving her a random answer every time she asks.


At one point, she spilled her coconut lotion all over our table space we share. Literally, all over. Then she started yelling at certain people, telling them to come over and wipe it off the table with their hands so a) she wouldn't have to clean it up and b) the lotion wouldn't be wasted. I said something about the entire room smelling like a beach now and she said "I'm just trying to turn it into a beach party up in here!"


Her: Smell my bottle.
Me: Uhhh.
Her: It stinks! Smell it!
Me: -sniffs, doesn’t really smell anything horrible, maybe just a whiff-
Me: It smells like coconut. I wonder why.
Her: -takes it back, sniffs it again- It smells like stinkbait. It’s gross when you drink it, you can smell it.
Me: Uh…don’t lick the bottle?
Her: I don’t. I’m gonna go wash it.


For a little variety, emails I have sent to a friend of mine over the course of the last couple of weeks:

"Our lights are out again and the electrician is over in the corner on a ladder working on a light, and my dad’s boss just stuck his head in and he’s like “what, you guys like working in the dark better?” And I put my finger in front of my lips and was like “shhh, it’s nap time.” And he goes “Oh, it’s nap time? Okay, you guys get three minutes.”"


"Denny just said something about “you know women, they never pull their weight” to an agent he’s on the phone with… and he’s got Julie and Karen on either side of him, a whole row of women in front of him and four more in the row in front of me. And Julie, Karen (with fly swatter), me, Nancy, Tara, Dorothy and Luanne all turn and look at him and he kinda cowers and is like “…wow” and Karen hit him with the fly swatter, Tara goes “wow.” And I turned to Julie and go “does he realize he’s surrounded?”

Corey’s on the other side of Karen and made a comment and she turns to him w/the swatter and is like “you know what, this works on both sides.”"


"Sherry was saying something to her computer and I was like “…are you speaking to your computer in a British accent?” and she was like “…yes. I am.” And I said “…okay! Just checking!”"


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December 2011

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